on friday night i went to see 'A Single Man' and it was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. I cant actually describe how truly wonderful it was.
it just got this feeling. at the end it came to a screaming crescendo and everything just came together and i wept and wept. i couldnt feel my body when it ended. it was just stuck to my seat shakeing and my legs were just not even there. i knew exactly what it was saying and it just sumerised that feeling in the most amazing way. its the feeling i always sometimes get. like you're totally out on a lim, on your own. because everyone is alone, we're all just us. in our own bodies. and we interact with others. but its just us. and thats it. and at the end george falcon says something like ,,when i have the interaction and connection with another human being i feel like its all been worth it. when i feel it. its pure and fresh. but then its gone and i can never hold onto it
and i just knew. i've always known what i ment, but i've never had it there, infront of me in black and white. and it was the most beautiful wonderful thing. my favourite film ever, my favourite thing.


When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me''

24/02/21.38

ow my gum hurts. so todays been average not alot has goneth oneth.
best part of today was first lesson, r.e no-one sits with me, no-one talks to me so i sat with bombay bicycle club in my ears and read the bible. some serious good shizzzzz right there. well, orginally i wanted to check out corinthians 15. 22 because kele mentions it in 'Better Than Heaven'. and i've always wanted to know what it was. so i found it, and i was like wow. because now i think i am someway to understanding the track. im not sure, actually. but blahdy blah

'For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be more alive’

i carried on reading most of corinthians and then moved onto genesis. i think people were wondering what the fuck i was doing. but so what, its the bible, im a christian. its actually pretty bad that i havent read it in detail before actually.
then we had science. dont much talk to anyone in that, they're all b o r i n g as. i kept looking over at him and then thought wtf carlon. he's bound to notice that every time your eyes look up they find him
i had a nice yoghurt at break
lunch was a serious bore and dissapointing.
english was good, i chose 'disabled' by wilfred owen to write about because it made me want to cry. but i couldnt, because i was in an english class and that would of been seriously ghey.
went into town after school with my soulmate. i was in a negative mood and basicly ranted for an hour. i dont know how she puts up with me lawl.
we were sat waiting for a bus in the bus station 'cretin melting pot of the world'. two lads were stood behind us goin 'oh yeah, you fuckin what, you fuckin what, you did nowt today, i ad to do everyfink' 'you dick u hit me ova ed wiv a plank o wood, u c***' actually want to vomit when i hear that word.
there was a pigeon by my foot eating greggs off the floor. two lads were stood infront of us. one actually full on cleared his throat and then goffed the contents onto the pavement. serious
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

came home, tidied my room to try and retain innerpeace. lit some candels. laid on my bed and felt sorry for myself, had a little nap. and nobody wants me
but its ok because i smell of ysl rive gauche and its the most beautiful scent

'Where, oh death, is your victory?'
'Where, oh death, is your sting?'

oh, and pee. ess
dont fucking call me 'love'
you common arrogant dick

PLUS, IM IN LOVE WITH A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. and he gives me goosebumps.
note to self: lyffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff need ed

me right nah.
BLE HHHHHHHHH BLE H BLEH BL EH
tonights not been that bad actually. did some decent piano and cello practice. i felt fulfilled for about 10 minuets. then i came online. why does it do that? either way i feel crap. so i dont do any practise and feel bad because i spend all evening online, i do practice and feel good because i've achieved something with my time, then i come online and feel crap. ok, so basicly, coming online makes me feel a little bit crap.
har har har. people eh?
and i stink. like ew, i dont even know. but im gonna get a shower hahahaha.
currently listening to: skeleton boy by friendly fires
location: attic
feel: cold, dirty, acheing for something. no idea what
good things about today: a formspring, reeve and joe, loveing the piano, the gig i've been asked to play with my cello, no hmk, rice pudding, lipstick and the cure

why are you makeing my legs go w e a k ?

shots from this evening. i made dinner for my two ladiessssss. it was so gooood, ++ i love reeves new hair, ORGASM <333>

this months vogue wasn't worth it
should of bought i-D

me enjoying a dwink this evening
im going to sleep too late again, tomorow i have collosal amounts of work. xo

I like people too much or not at all. I’ve got to go down deep, to fall into people, to really know them.
- Sylvia Plath

i lo ve her

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

des per ate

so i feel really strange right now. i've got goosebumps everywhere, allll up my back. woa, weird. and my legs are shakeing.
today has been lovely. i felt independent, i always forget how much i enjoy spending time on my own haha. i took the bus into town, picked up my developed films then took the bus to my nannas. she made me the most gorgeous pancakes evurrrr. <3 pancake day. why must we only have pancakes on pancake day? i gonna make them more often.
i went back into town, bought some flowers for my friend as she was cooking dinner for us this eveningg, and this months vogue. £4.00! £4.00! blooooooooooomin ell. it better be worth it.
i had a scan round some charity shops but theres nothing decent anymore, there hasnt been for months.
this evening beth coooooked us dinner, its been hil ar ious! she made shepeards pie and bonnofie cheese cake. mmm that was some good grub. we washed up and danced madly to Jay Z. overall, pretty decent day
im currently 'conversing' on msn to the dick who told me to 'sit on it' in social the other day. how wonderful. what do people want with me?

mmm rain good so und. spring rain is my favourite. when will spring come? i've bought some baby daffodils for my room and they are trying their hardest. grow grow growww. im in bed today, going out yesterday i forgot how cold it was and only wore a dress and a thin mac coat thing so i think i've got a chill. i couldnt get to to sleep last night so i wrote a few poems. their always the best when its late at night and i cant sleep. i dont know why, i just feel that there isnt a pressure of time and i can just write.

some of my favourite films

O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I
O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I O U I

more s h o t s frm today

shots from last nights concert in kirkhamgate village hall for the Wakefield Live Music Project(my mums project) it was unbelievable. the piatti string quartet were wonderful! they played Haydn, Frank Bridge and Bartok. the Bridge was my favourite it was beautiful.
before them there was a jazz group from leeds college of music. they were good i liked their sombre, mellow style it was dreamy. i need to listen to more jazz actually. but yes! beautiful evening.

today has been one of the best sundays i've had in age esss. ze best friendies came rand, we needed to do a shoot for hogans art project. we went to the local park and i posed with roses and lace and a crown and bunny ears inspired by tim walker + tim burton hahahaaaaa, hilarious. some of the shots are awful but i look pretty decent on afew. it was so cold! and we filmed the whole thing like an 'on location' doc on a fashion shoot. we can have just the must hilarious time doing such simple things, us three could never ever be bored. i love them so much. my brother has just come in from a weekend camping. hes seeing his girlfriend tonight and he's bought her the most beautiful valentines gift. forget, chocolates, demonic teddy bears, carnations, key rings, slippers, underwear what ever the stereotypical gift for a lad to get a girl. hes bought her the complete collection of shakespeares sonnets and poems. i hope he resites one to her hahaha! god i dont know what im gonna do when i meet a lad, i'll expect him to be just as lovely and just generally sound as my brother. and of course he wont, boys like him are few and far between.

my beautifuuul car

goddd how beautiful is it? HOW?! HOW?! i am incredibly lucky, it needs loadsa work but its gonna be siqqqq.

r o o m

i desire you like i've never desired before

now, drinking my lovely tea after a lovely night at the cinemas with reeve,ry&joe and big big big LOVE to them <3
oh and i forgot to mention, i went to collect my art book after school and i found a beautiful valentines card inbetween some of my pages. the poem was genius, i will scan it in tomorow!

my valentines rose.... < 3

12/02/10

today we broke up for a week. it was also a non uniform day. we also filmed alot of stuff. this evening we went to the cinemas and mcdonalds. and my car got dropped off
today i have actually immensely enjoyed. even though this afternoon i was sinking into a neverending hole of self pity. it was all quite pathetic actually. i dont enjoy non uniforms as it is, but i always want to 'prove' or 'convey' something about myself on a non uniform day. i dunno, to show that i have some identity outside of school,. of course everyone does but non uniform day is when everyones judging and w/e. and i just cant be bothered. aspecially when there are size zero flame haired beautiful 'would look good in a bin bag because im so thin' flickery eyed extreme gestures of 'oh how wonderful' 'truly magnificent' 'beautiful daaaarling, beautiful' 'let me just throw myself around some more to show how lithe i am and how much im in controll, and in demand in the room and wow arnet my limbs long and beautiful and translucent and flexible' ' imagine what i could do to you boysss, imagine' 'let me just drape them around your fat neck and shake my boobs up against you and show how truly fabulous i am'
and then i say 'oh, i'd f**k you' i probably would actually, even though shes a girl lawl.
and i dont want to be like her, because i like me. i just wish i had more appeal haha. and then i watched him reapeatedly check out her non existent arse and though GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GET A LYFFFF BABE
why did it annoy me? i guess i just want some attention. its so pathetic. so i thought i would listen to music and read my book and glance at him over the top of it in a seductive interesting alternative way. har har har
and later i got some attention. but i couldnt be bothered, because it was ment as a joke. and i know all the boys my age may be sixteen but are mentally at the age of 9 (part from a significant few) but i just thought, what why when will they grow up and understand that you cant get into a girls mind (well not mine anyhow) bye sayin 'oright beautifulll, i've been fantasing about you all day. yeh thats it, sit on it, yeah UGH UGH yeh go on, sit on it, sit on it'
i just thought, really? REALLY? take me back any day to when 'men' would stand up when a woman walked in the room. and would ask them if they would be so oblidged as to acompany them on a picnic by the river. hahhahaha well, y'no. you shouldnt have to sit and listen to that. no wonder hes telling me that every female in the year hates him.
hmmm REALLY BABE? REALLY?

on a lighter note, my beautiful yellow jeans beatle got dropped off today. its a right old banger but im already inlove with it. i am going to post pictures soooooooon. it needs so much work but it is gonna be faf when its done. i cant wait to get all my beautiful friends in the back, tunes, sunnies and da beachhhh. theres gonna be some good times in there i am sure

gutted about McQueens death. it reminds you of how things are just gone. how people go further and further down untill there is no light. and its incredibly sad, that someone could think i dont want to live anymore.

rest in peace Alexander McQueen - a true genius.

FU NON UNIFORM

actually hate it. i like all my clothes, and my style. and it all looks good and i feel oright. untill NON UNIFORM. why you psyco analyse everything, your arse, your legs, your hips, your face, your hair, your god damn left forefinger finger nail! ARGH. no. not really. but its rather a trauma. everyone on you like OH MY WORD, WHAT IS THAT BITCH WEARING!? i dont really care for their purile little opinions but. dum dum dum dum dum dum
i should of applied myself to something this evening. i went into town after school wiv ma bezzie reeve and joe. ah joe, he hath grown oneth moi. vair fond, vAir fond. i bought a nice ring, a hat box decorated with a crazy floral pattern, a gorge notebook(one can never have enough) and 3 pairs of black m&s tights for £3. so proud, so proud.
good things about today; joe and reeve
an inspector calls in english
my purchases
that hes talking to me on msn HAHA
earl grey tea
'l o o k s'
bad things about today; the kin spot under my nose = PAIN
tryin to clamber off a packed bus with a massive bag and a hat box
running late
my clothes

charlie brooker

big big big love to you, you genius

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21776762@N02/
IT girl photographes. these are some hardcore bitches...

i miss the snow. it was so beautiful. i took these with my red scale film. quite a lovely effect - like a russian winter. mmm c-c-c-cold