late evenin walk

camping survival kit
watercolors, boater + sunnies,
nineteen eighty four by george orwell, sketchbooks, sylvi plath collected poems, camera

tuesday 27th july

23.17pm currently thinking 'my blog is actually quite shit and not a true reflection of myself. if i wasnt myself and i read parts of this blog i would think i was a dick. this needs sortin art asap'

CANNOT WAIT FOR CAMPINGZZZZZZ
bought some lush foods tonight wiv da gang. humous, chicken, pitta bread, iron bru, galaxy chocolate. dat iz all i need

if you fall asleep down by the water baby
i'll carry you all the way home

AAHHH BABY OOOH BABY
lets rock ....

finally got some higwaisted shorts jus in time for camping. also wearing leopard print shirt from charity shop, shoes office,
+ my fave skirt eva (top right) so long and floaty perfect for dancin in, £3.50 charity shop
i always look so bloody demonic in these kinda photos. wish ma hair dye didnt wash out

recent charity shop finds

bag £2.99, shoes £10.00, sWeet

massive luurve for the spray on wash out pink hair dye.pRopA LUFF ITT. so ye this is me with ze tips of me hair sprayed pinky, actually looks more redish but yanoz xxxxo

urcon fusin

mummy













john

nanna

this floor bed, these open attic windows, these lights, this sound, this arm, this throat, these eyes, this skin; is crying out for a male body

WHY IS EVERYONE A FUCKING PUSSY?

5 good pieces of life advice:

- hate everybody and trust no one

- stay awake for as long as possible. you can sleep when you’re dead

- emotions are gay. be heartless

- if you want love, loyalty, and companionship, get a fucking dog

- if you follow this advice and things still go wrong, get over it

so bored wiv dis shit. i wanna be out of here doing from day break to sunset. no more of countless wasted hours in room and being slowly turned wild by the insesent shite of social networking sites. wish i was strong enough to live completely detached from the fake world of status' and comments. so so so unbelievebly boring. want to be free. needing to be whisked away by someone completely seperate - living in the now, in their head. in te rest. no i dont fucking care about who said what to who at last nights party
i care about LIV ING. ARGH life please now please i cant waste anymore time. by the end of 2010 i hope i have met a completely free soul (either in myself or another)

young boys, older girls
good luck

21// 07

it has been tiiiiimes since i have properly blogged. have i ever properly blogged? in comparison to other blogs i suppose not but i am going to make a consious effort to 'blog' this summer. my summer has officially started, after x many weeks practicly attached to my cello i am now free. although free is not the best word because i feel so free playing it and now without the practise i have less structure to my days. so hopefully now i can pack em full of spontaneous things and do as i please to some extent
im going to ride my bike everyday and build up my stamina so i can ride up to nostell/yorkshire sculpture park area where there is one of the best hills in the wakefeild area to ride down. v. v. vair long and v. v. vair steep, before the end of summer i will of experienced complete escapism and freedom for 10 minuets riding down that hill
i need to start drawing again. next week im going camping to flamborough with my bestest buddieees s'gonna be so lush, hoping to get alot of drawing and writing done there, preferably on the beach soaking up some rays with the sound of the sea.
i've finished reading 'to kill a mocking bird' and it was love. now started 'the age of reason' by jean-paul sartre.
atm im constantly listening to 'why dont you love me' by beyonce. omg i feel like da boss dancing to it. im not sure whether im in love with her or i want to be her - it cant be both. and the video. D&G bodysuit, her curves. nuff said. also dakota by stereophonics, skippin town by the drums and beach baby by bon iver.
last night we went to this house party and we were kicked out at half past nine. surely parties shouldnt even of kicked off by half past nine? i honestly do not know. totally shit.
shitness multiplied by pathetic girls even more,, pathetic boys. no music. hot hot heat and basicly it was bad. best bit being when grandma turned up and we had to hide in the garden. summats always goin DARRRRN. oh m gee
anyway over all, even though it didnt need to, it confirmed to me once more how much i love love love ryan hogan. best person ever i think.
i can feel my eyelids slowly giving up so i bid thee goodnight

'why dont you love me? why dont you love me when i make me so damn easy to love??!?!?!? ??'

ROMANCE IS DEAD

people i hate..

this stupid (fat) bitch
only sayin shes fat cos i bet shes paranoid about her weight cos shes a morbidly obese size 12

sex is a beautiful thing and its fucking private. how anyone whos been on that show can even show their ugly faces in public again i do not like KNOW
actually i did learn one useful thing - gay people are actually normal. i know right, that is some weird fucking shit

i wish bon iver could be the soundtrack to my life and his tracks would just play at perfectly precise moments.
it feels weird that listening to certain things and watching certain things and thinking certain things makes you create things in your head about how you want your own life to be and how you cant possibly make that happen for sure, the moments there then the moments gone, you only realise when you look back. there are just moments when i wish beach baby by bon iver would play and i could hold the moment for longer than usual.

lyrics/poetry/jumbled words from my head that i scribbled down last night
i wouldnt usually think to put stuff i've written on here but i dont really care so yanozz.



In the presence of pretence
feels like watching someone you love throwing up their guts
in the presence of a pretentious bitch
and all i can think think think is hold me back
i want to break her face

in the presence of pretence
this lair, fake fake
so fake you're making me shake you fucking bitch
you're making me spill my drink

just hold me back
hold me hold me
untill this anger is dispersed and all thats left is stains on my cheek
i'll break her face

in the presence of pretence this lair fake fake
so fake you're making me shake
ache ache
so fake you're making me shake
you fucking bitch
so fake you're making me shake

would like to meet..

a marie antoinette summer

woa to feel as if its all sorted is a good thing to feel. its quite perfect how we just seem to overcome things, heads can straighten out and plans can be rearanged and really its ok because the sun will most likely rise in the morning and i'll get up in the morning and look in the mirror and be good. time is just a complete head fuck really.
but yes i feel refreshed and i honestly cant wait for everything. i can wait, but i will be welcoming it all. its all ok once you realise change needs to happen and you stop clinging on to whats been - i dont think whats been is something that should be clung onto at all.
it is most definately the simplest things that make everything and fuck the rest. fuck fuck fuck the rest. i am so lucky to know that another human being knows me and i know them. and to meet more people who i will truly know and experience with
we forget that we dont need to accept our lives as they are and the people in them. they can fuck off. hahaha! the realisation that you just dont have to deal with people you dont want to deal with.
before college i will:
customise all the clothes i've been wanting to customise for the past year
make cushions
draw, sketch, paint, collect ideas
record everything in my many books
read 'to kill a mocking bird', '1984', 'the bell jar' again and spend hours on the beach with W.H Davies, plath, e.e cummings and T.S Elliot
continue to dance
always make an effort to get dressed
skinny dip
not think things over, be spontaneous
be young
forget what im 'supposed' to do
learn all the grade 8 piano scales
start the band
get to know you better
start the new with a refreshed head and an open heart
lawl....

08 /07

Happy 18th birthday to be beautiful brother john
i think from now on everythings going to be changing, the important, fundamental things - i've finally realised, will never change. so to the rest; i want you to change and i will accept the change with open arms. heres to opportunity
''opportunity, experience, clairity and a pug'' after all.

une femme est une femme: 1961

06// 07

''i need a man - i dont think you will suffice boy''

sometimes im just ridiculously hot.. i dont even know how i resist myself

" You perceive the world through an obscure window of beliefs, interpretations, and associations. The world is therefore a reflection of your mind. As your mind clears, you perceive reality simply as it is. What does your experience of life reveal about your filters of perception? "

he tries to impress her, mentally undress her