myshoes

things i like...

necklaces, especially crosses, caught in volumptous breasts.

''supposing i dreamed this?'' - e.e cummings

it must be so hard to be a parent and witness this beautiful, innocent, pure newness. freshness. and then to know the horribleness of life. swear words, dirty words, litter in grass in the local park, racism, homophobia, this pressure against you telling you what you should be. the 'fuck you' graffiti in the school corridoor. you want to rub it all away like holden.
i finished the catcher in the rye last night and this poem by plath has reminded me of that. i never noticed when i lost that innocence. i didnt even know. i was probably too young, but when i see it with younger kids it makes me sad. like yr 7s telling me they're 'gonna finger me tonight' as i was walking down to spanish class one afternoon. he wouldnt even know what it ment.
how do you get over that if you're a parent? i suppose there are lots of things we want to keep locked away but fortunately good things should come with bad. without that loss of innocence and growing up there would be so much goodness we would never experience.
''even the bad times were good'' - jean w.

child by sylvia plath

Your clear eye is the one absoloutely beautiful thing.

I want to fill it with colour and ducks, The zoo of the new

Whose names you meditate -

April snowdrops, Indian pipe,

Little

Stalk without wrinkle

Pool in which images should be grand and classical

Not this troublous

Wringing of hands, this dark

ceiling without a star

just found this. lk so sxi lol

shakespeares sonnet 138

When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth, Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties.

Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:

On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed:
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
o love’s best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love, loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

this plz

people i like....

viv of course!

inally, i’ve given up all hope.
stay indoors and mope.
tightening that rope.

i’m getting burnt more times than i have before.
i’ve realised once more
that everyone’s a whore.

My faggot hair.
and stupid clothes.
look good inside closed doors.
can’t take this anymore..

fall in love, every other day.
then out of love into space.
worlds that i create.

If only it doesn’t swallow up my desire to express myself in a smug, sensuous haze.


Sure, marriage is self-expression, but if only my art, my writing, isn’t just a mere sublimation of my sexual desires which will run dry once I get married


If only I can find him… the man who will be intelligent, yet physically magnetic and personable. If I can offer that combination, why shouldn’t I expect it in a man?

''people like you need to fuck people like me ''

''you'll find me that french boy, i'll find you that french girl. i promise, i promise ''

''Melancholic depression, or 'depression with melancholic features' is a subtype of major depression characterized by the inability to find pleasure in positive things combined with physical agitation, insomnia, or decreased appetite. Roughly 10% of people with depression suffer from Melancholic Depression.''

lastni ght

this is weird. i wonder when you wake up and you've become you.
you're body has finally stopped changing, your mind, your face.
i dont suppose it ever does though. but i've been thinking, when do you actually become you? do you ever? will we just question ourselves, self, forever.

''theres no medals love. and then all you have waiting for you at the end is an empty grave''

- this is what my nanna said earlier when i was changing her bed.
reminds me of a conversation i had with you two.
i know theres something more, i hope theres something more, theres got to be something more.
this. cant. be . it
total life forever

ghey

but a lil bit tru,

the lack of sun and presence of rain has squished my plans of wearing my boater hat lyk a pro tonight. might just own it anyway, got ma fruity wine. hope es gooooooooooooooooood

''you're going to love this, just love it''

28/05 //

this morning i had my science resit exam at 9.00
my mum woke me up in a panic going its 8 o clock shit shit
i went downstairs looked at clock it was 7.00. read in bed and tried not to doze back off.
good outfit today. exam was straightforward. walked to hogans in the sun, bitched about tabloid newspapers, ate pizza and laughed at extremely thin people, walked back to school
maths revision for 2 hours. walked home with reeve, saved a dieing sparrow from the middle of the road - risking my life ofc. think it had a broken back v. sad.
reeve and i walked through the park singing motown at the top of our lungs '' aint too proud to beg, baby baby''
celloed for abit, sorted out clothin fo party tommorow. walked with R & r to sandal castle wiv minolta and robinsons juice - pure bliss.
sat and marvelled at the beauty in a corn field. emley moor, sun, pink across the city skyline, the castle ruins. prank called people. lol like we are 9. but truly hilarious - it will never get old. nearly wet our pants so decided it was best to journey home.
i feel asif this morning was last week. im not, not , not
gonna stop holding on to that feeling and start holding on to the true feeling and i know it will come one day but
re. ali. ty

setting up for disapointment disapointment setting up
but whats so disapointing
it is you after all

27// 05

3,000 posts
dresses that dont work and i need something effortless
eva green - sexy is covering up. mystery
i. want. sxi.
dans paris last night after 20 mineuts of dancing in my knickers
ice cold orange juice and open velux and louis garrels face and bare legs
black nail varnish
salad
the catcher in the rye
chloe
birdsong breeze w/ sun
and bass bass bass

missing the better times that i had lost

you are the only thing that i've been dreaming of..

no love lost

love this damien hirst

time is a great machine of iron bars

that drains eternally the milk of stars

totally and utterly gutted for liam. gutted. and naomi too poor love. the characters just seem to be getting more and more fucked up. jasper wtf, canon wtf, jen wtf. just WTF.
oh and can annie like die already only the dogs can hear her anyway.

im kinda abit of a ghey

its strange having the heart remember what the mind can't

i wonder if you know what it means to find your dreams

want

gonna die the tips of my hair

oh wont you stay? we'll put on the day and wear it till the night comes

i just got in and went straight upstairs and put on amerie and chase & status full blast, got changed into a tiny floaty dress and danced on my own in the attic for about 20 mins solid. its the most freeing thing and i love dancing and feeling utterly self concious. gettin ma dirrrty on ((hahaha haha) - spesh to Amerie one thing, it will never not be good.
layed down and thought i was gonna vom HAHAHA seen as i've had magners, vodka and coke, vodka and orange, shit loads of pasta and chocolate ice cream this evening and jumped up and down on a trampoline.
i feel so good right now somethings just clicked. when everyones been going on about how this is the best summer of your life i never completely got it - i thought it probably would be amazing but i know what they mean now. leaving school its given you this sense of feeling. you're not under any instituition, after the exams you'll have no-one calling your time. its this sense of just independence and possibility and opportunity and this sense that anything can happen and it sounds so stupid but everythings just slotted and laying out there this evening with my favourite people in the entire world didnt make me sad in any way because we've left school, i just felt totally solid and good and right and nothing can take that away.

i love you.

21// 05

summer 'verano' is here and tonight was so beautiful.