i hate how i go up and down and i cant succesfully keep to a routine cos my moods get in the way. i need some serious dissapline.
i should of done some decent cello and piano this evening but i just cba. just wanna go to bed and watch something mind numbing on 4oD.
asdashfsvnrawevn\vkenwvpkdsncpk;\asnfpkWVNESK\PNEK\V I. HATE.MOODS

Day 17 - an artpiece
Renior

'And thats the thing about people who mean everything they say
They think everyone else does too'

Khaled Hosseini

mi yesterday. when i should of been doing work.
im so glad i didnt get an undercut last year. it would of looked so shit.
mmmhm shoulders

dont even know which one im on. bluergh

day 12 - whatever tickles your fancy

serge gainsbourgs voice

day 13 - a fiction book

'this is modern art'

day 14 - a non-fictional book

'englands best loved poems' - by george courtauld

day 15 - a fanfic
no idea

day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

- tulips by bloc party or so here we are

i lav this look.

excersising more now, it will be me this autumn.
i haaaaaaave to do it

r oo oo m on disposable

yuri on ma bed

Everyone has a gripping stranger in their lives, Andy, a stranger who unwittingly possesses a bizarre hold over you. Maybe it’s the kid in cut-offs who mows your lawn or the woman wearing white shoulders who stamps your book at the library - a stranger who, if you were to come home and find a message from them on your answering machine saying, “Drop everything. I love you. Come away with me now to Florida,” you’d follow them.

abbys coat and rings and bag and boots maaaan. they usually just wear boring black

my cello and piano are my only friends. im so MIS UN DER STOOD. lawl
nah but people jeeeeeeeez.
fu.

today has not been all that bad. got some good footage and picks on ma disposable. people just think im weird walking round school recording videos and takin random photos but i wanna remember everything for when i leave. i dont hate school i think im past things annoying me, i mean i've been with all these people for the best part of 4 years, they are boring. i have em sussed bravvvvv hahaa. i cant wait for some MEN. they're all pussy bois and they're pathetic.

last night i played with a dance group called momentum dance at west yorkshire play house to 2,000 people. it was bloody brilliant. they wanted me to play solo cello to just add some depth to the piece. it was based around the holocaust and they did it so brilliantly and respectfully. i think the audience were full on shocked. it started off with a really angsty duet and then a dancy ball section with them all dressed in dresses and shirts havin a whale of a time and then they all stripped off to vests and pants and it was the gas chamber scene. they just did it perfectly and i felt immense playing my cello out to so many people. god it was a h ighhhhhh! and all the group were so lovely. i hope i can do something with them again mannn.
i came home after school and put all the shopping away neatly in the fridge and quite enjoyed it too whilst dancing to foals. then my mum came in and handed me a pressie. she bought me a collection of poems with all the greats like W.H Auden and emily bronte. she just does the most gorgeous things
at the moment im sat on my bed in my room. listening to my bloody valentine. im gonna go get a shower and go to bed and read. tommorow i have a jab at 9.25. last time i actually thought the prick into my arm was quite cool

day 09 - a photo you took

day 08 - a photo that makes you angry/sad


GET OUT

i hate pauls boutique


suckonit

1 01 st post.
tonight has been so good. i was totallly kerrapping it but it was amezzzzin. it felt vair powerful to be infront of thousands of people playing ma cello with just exquisite dancers. and we were shit hot maaaann. came home and had a gowgeous curry so im pretty pleased.
it is now 22.48 and i must s l e e p.

people i like...

germaine greer

lu shh

'you have never really lived untill you have done something for someone who can never repay you'

this is me, around christmas i think

day 07 - a photo that makes you happy
just before christmas 09, it wasnt that long ago but i feel like things have shifted. not montrously, or so much that i just feel sad. i just think somethings changed and the thing about it that is sad is that for some reason i cant be bothered to do much about it. im not sure. ive never felt apathy towards something before. maybe im just growin up abit

day 06 - whatever tickles your fancy

pretty lovely parents evening. i love my teachers, its made me sad that im leaving. i'll miss them more! especially my beautiful english teacher and my spanish teacher. and my music teacher, and possibly maths teacher. and not just cos they said nice things. i just think they've been a massive unfluence and really what i loved about the lessons mostly. i hope i can keep them posted, especially my english teacher about what im doing. i hope that one day when im like a propa woman (hahaha) we can meet for coffee and fags and discuss books, politics and lyf in general. i hope that i do

tulips my darling reeve bought me

people i like..

chloe sevigny
the glasses, the hat the lippy just mmmmmmm

day five - your favourite quote

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realise that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.- George , A Single Man.

lyk him

i just felt abit lost tonight. ive never had a desire to fit in, or be part of a massive group or have everyone wantin to talk to me. no-ones really like that. i mean, most people love chatting to me and having a larrrf and sayin hello. but i suppose, like i do, most people will gravitate towards their friends. but im kind of getting to the point where i just wanna talk to them and just be like HAI. even though we've never spoken before, why cant we now. and just chat to whoever and build on it. but i just dont have alot to say hahahahahahahah. well i would but no-one seems to wanna just lazyly chat to me about any ole shite. and i just felt like i was looking in. like you're somewhere, and you;re there, and you're part of it, but half of you feels like you're looking in. and usually im all up for just not caring what people think and im not particulary self concious and i'll just dance and w.e but i've never really felt like that, like just totally out of touch. like ive made no real impact on anyone, like no-one after 5 yrs seems to want to sidle up and talk to me. maybe i should of made more of an effort. it didnt bother me THAT much. just a little. and then i kind of just over think it all, and dream up 'dream' scenarios, which of course, NEVER happen. and then you laugh about it. but just once it would be nice. and then you're surrounded by these girls and they're all stunning and lovely and they seem to have it sorted, i mean, of course they dont. and i get looks and stares and glances and its nice but no-one wants to sidle up and talk and just get to know moi hahahaha. i stand on my own, which is like a major hint but i duno. but i kind of half spoke to him this evening for the first time in the best part of 4 years. so thats an improvement, instead of just gazing at him we actualy spoke./ but thats utterly pointless because he isnt interested. i dont know what he is interested in. what are any of them interested in? i mean they talk absoloute shite to you online, oh yeh it would be fuckin lovely and then they cant even talk to you, to your face. maybe its me? i could be just totally unapproachable. i mean i am different, im not like other girls who look the same and will just laugh at anything you say because its what you're supposed to do. but i dunno. maybe i just radiate independence and they dont like it. that i have my own personailty. i suppose its not that easy to tap into. and its so pathetic. and i know what i want, and i want it. but its a bloody dream world and it just wont happen. hahahahaahahhaha but why cant one of em just buy me a drink or talk to me or something instead of just gazing at me from across the room. why cant they just have some balls..

day 04 - your favourite book

without a doubt, 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks.

listening to tracks from take this to your grave and from under the cork tree
just light headed

today they asked us to write our 'hopes and wishes for the future' for our year book. it kind of 'half' hit me that we are practicly leaving high school FOR EVER in about 7 weeks. it hasnt quite sunk in. i dont think it will of sunk in untill im on the train to my first day of college.
i dont really feel alot. kind of, abit of sadness, but also just ok. like its run its true course and its ok. it will be fine
anyway so i thought for ages. i didnt want to put a dumbass quote, because i want something personal, i didnt want to put what i want to get from life like, 'success' or to 'fall in love' or to get everything i've 'dreamed of' because that too, ifs personal (not to mention ghey and cliched) and i didnt want it in every person in my years hands.
so i thought and then i thought of some words that generalise everything i kind of want. so i wrote 'experience, opportunity, clarity and a pug'
all of these things, in whatever form (apart from the pug, i must have a white/blonde pug that is small and cute) would be simply wonder ful.

day three - your favourite television programme

anything that involves charlie brooker/house buying/documentaries

i hate cats.

LE TIGRE
made me strut like a sxc boss from ict to science this aft.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof

this evening has been quite nice. got in from school and had the usual 30 min chat wiv mavva acompanied by t and choco digestives. did some celloooooo, wasted time inbetween. flicked through the tv channels, discovered 'becoming jane' which i had never seen but its about jane austen and has james mcavoy in it so whats not to like.
anywho it was lovely. i always love a period drama. the music in it was well arranged. the strings were beautiful. it wasnt cliche and awful and it had lovely movements to minor chords. made me abit teary eyed, spesh the ending. but im crying at everything at the moment so its nothing different.
cant believe how much i blubbed at a single man in a public place on friday night. EMB ARRA SING

currently in my room on my bed. listening to 1901 by phoenix but its too dancy for this time of night so i am going to change it. maybe to some bp.
hm. should be going to sleep. tommorow i have things like english, art, science, history, music. thursday are nice actually.
im glad the weathers picking up because if i dont go on abike ride this weekend i fear i will never be able to do any sustained excersise ever again. last time i didnt go for 3 weeks and i couldnt cycle up a small hill without nearly killing myself. so good luck to me

day two - your favourite movie

a single man

people i like...

Yuri Pleskun

y are all my contacts on msn boring as fuck

people i like....

JOHNNY DEPP

day one - your favourite song

this is too hard so im going to pick one that i am in love with and always will be

'Tulips' by Bloc Party

im going to do this

* Day 01 — Your favorite song
* Day 02 — Your favorite movie
* Day 03 — Your favorite television program
* Day 04 — Your favorite book
* Day 05 — Your favorite quote
* Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
* Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
* Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
* Day 09 — A photo you took
* Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
* Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
* Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
* Day 13 — A fictional book
* Day 14 — A non-fictional book
* Day 15 — A fanfic
* Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
* Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
* Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
* Day 19 — A talent of yours
* Day 20 — A hobby of yours
* Day 21 — A recipe
* Day 22 — A website
* Day 23 — A YouTube video
* Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
* Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
* Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
* Day 27 — This month, in great detail
* Day 28 — This year, in great detail
* Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
* Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

st y lee. i wanna look as easy sxi as this chick ^

serious want

1/03/10

oh dear lord i cant believe its march?! MARCH. christmas was only tother day.
today has been ok, got a little bit like ARGH KIN HELLL @ all the work that has to be in. even though, thinking about it, there isn't alot.
GCSE's arnt even hard. i dont get all the s t r e ss.
so yesterday ma and i went into leeeedz to look for a prom frock/ideas for a prom frock exceteraa. we went into harvey nicks and im not even joking, out of ALL the gowns and dresses there i didnt want anything.
well, obviously there were some gorgeous ones. so out of my price range, like a Dolce and Gabbana floral dress that was £930. i dont think it was worth that realy, but it was still beautiful.
i tried on another D&G dress, it was a deep navy, just to the calf, one shouldered with a lace bow tied onto the strap and it swoooshed around in the skirt. it would of been nice if it'd sat just at the top of my waist but it was too low down and wouldnt kin zip up. i wasnt overally keen anyway.
so we decided we'd get one made, then i can have exactly what i want because i have a clear view.
but its only prom, gotta keep it realistic. even though i had an awful dream last night, i'd go as far as to say a nightmare, in which i though prom was months away and then my two friends turned up at my doorstep saying, are you getting ready. i was like wa? they said, for prom, tonight. and i didnt have anything to wear so we did a crazy shop and found nothing and then the dream ended. but i felt a right sense of dread hahahaha.
its only one night.
im vair happy though because i am getting ze beautiful Vivienne Westwood mellissa anglomania peep toes with the love hearts. sooooooooooooosososos divine.

good things about today: break and videoing. all for future reminising.
random brilliantly entertaining people
the hilarity that is reeve
lolly pops
danny parker and the fact that i've sat next to him for 4 years and theres never been a dull moment
l o o ks in ict.
ibroprophen
kitkats
beef and onion sarnies
currently: in the top attic room, on the futon with fairy lights lit all ar ounddd meh
listening to boogie wonderland by earth, wind and fire
i have cold feet which is vair uncomfortable. but i cant be bothered to find some socks
i should be doing history c/w but i have no idea what to write for my conclusion.
:|

heres some v a i n photos of moi today.
i've decided im gonna start wearing scarfs on my head alot more, even if they tend to look abit silleh

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realise that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.- George , A Single Man.