been doing my art mock exam alllllll day. think i have 2 more weeks untill i have to do the 10 hour exam. loads to do....
so i've been reasurching impressionism, cubism, expressionism and contempory art.
picasso, tracey emin and degas

I got so drunk I skipped church, I skipped class, I forgot my friends, my family, I drove up to the mountains. I forgot myself among the Lotus-Eaters. I forgot the journey home. I just drove from summit to summit across the Utah Valley, wanting so badly to become fulfilled.

spot on my top lip

OW. fricks sake. no make up sunday dont make no diff er renceeee.

i miss not fancying anyoneeee. missing that feeling in my stomach.
its so strange how things come and go. i used to talk to him every night and now not at all. and now, whats even stranger, is the fact that i just dont care

you get to a point when you're just past it. you dont think about it at all. im glad really

the rattlesnake said, 'i wish i was hands so i could hug you like a man'

we're back at school. its year 11 everything is work. i expected that and im not bothered, anything thats gonna help me to get up and out and with new faces can only be a brilliant thing.
feeling so 'meh' at the moment. as if somethings missing, even though i know when i look at everything that makes my life at the moment nothing clearly is. i just feel like arghhh like theres a hole. i feel like im on the outside looking in at everything around me.
its not the same as not 'fitting in' - thats boring anyway. its just strange.
i think everyone just goes through dips, its bound to happen, it has happend. probably just a dip at the moment.
i just wisssssssssh there was someone who made me instantly happy when i saw them,as if NOTHING matters but them. that they are here. just someone to text, call, write to. hug. w/evssssss.
everyone my age ffs so fucking annoying. facebook and msn and people people people
but no-one i want to talk to. all these people and no-one i could talk to all night about anything

this sounds like im feeling utterly and pathetically sorry for myself. eurghhhhhhh. nvmm.

school is going in a daze. the days go like.. like poof. gone. i get to school then what feels like 10 mineuts later im on the bus home. i hate that so much, things just going, whos pulling them away? whats making them go so fast? like babies, one mineut they're tiny, innoccent, big beautiful eyes. the next time you look they've grown up. i've never understood how parents adjust to that, how do they learn to let go? that alone makes me admire mothers.

i never got last years year 11, why they hated school so much. now i fully understand. just fricking people all day. and after you've gone home you dont feel like you've achieved anything. you've just sat and taken in and then you're splutterd out and then the next day it repeats all over again. nothing exciting or good or nice.

however weird it sounds, i wish that sometimes i didnt have any friends, like i was a complete loner. then i wouldnt have to talk to anyone. i'd just be armed with a book and earphones and that would be that. yeh, it would be difficult in other areas, but sometimes i just wish i could cut myself off without thinking that maybe i should really be making some effort with someone, somewhere.
i was at my nannas the other day with my mum and we were all sat in her lounge and we were all just in our own heads. there was no conversation. and my nanna said 'its nice isnt it? when you dont feel like you have to talk to someone'

its like that with my best friend,. we dont need to talk. on the bus home neither of us wants to talk. its nice, not having the pressure of making conversation.

i cantt stop listening to bon iver.

now i have to go and remove layers and layers of mascara from my eyelashes before i set my alarm for 7.00 and repeat today again tomorow. nontheless with better lessons.
english, science, history, art, music

octobers vogue and bed. XXXX

cretins and photography

today i had to sit in a large room doing nothing for an 1 hour. to the left of me was a group of girls who thought that 'african' people sew hair onto their scalps. to the right of me was a girl who wanted to take a picture of another girls camel toe, and to poke her tit whilst she had her eyes closed - 'relaxing'

oh my kinn sweet lord.
i was so distraught that i had to share the same air as these people. thats school for you. a day rubbing shoulders with the common peasants of the world.

at the moment i seriously dont understand why everyone whos just started college thinks their the next Tim Walker/Mario Testino. photography photography photography
everyone can take pretty pictures sweetheart, we dont need to take it as an a level.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAA

at the moment i cannot stop listening to Arab Straps 'the first big weekend'
puuuure genius. spotify it beaaatch

its nearly the weekend, its nearly the weekend. im bombing it to leeds for 10 mins to buy the most beautiful coat in the world. fur coat AT LASTT.
i've wanted one for so long

'we went up to the pub around ten. it was busy for a sunday night, lots of people i know including my ex girlfriend. who i still think is quite attractive frankly but i didnt really speak to her. shes probably still a bitch anyway.
i didnt really sleep well that night, thanks to some relatively disturbing nightmares. matthew said i should cut down on the cheese'

day old day old day old day old day old day old blues

dms fo lifeys

I don't care what nobody says, no
I'm going to be her lover
Always mad and usually drunk
But I love her like no other


i love this alot
knocked up kol

'oh let them eat cake'

cold for...

7 days and counting...
cough cough cough cough cough cough

summer 09 izz over. its been nice, in ways. alot has changed for alot of people, not that much has changed for me personally. WINTERRRR! at last
went to leeds today. vairr vairr exciting, boots and hats and coats
the most wonderful coat in the world for £25 (((((:
SCORE.
think this winter will be lavvly. its just so much better than summer.
summer is good for salads and eating outside, nice flowers/garden, legs, ice cream, ice cream.... errrrr... not getting dark untill 10ish
err. errr.
sorry i'm stumped
there isnt a whole lot for me. the fashion is nice. floaty 50s dresses and sxiii sunglasses and highwaisted shorts
and i cant wear any of those....
hahahahahaaaa.

and winnnterrrr mmmmm LUSHHH. frosty mornings, thick tights chunky boots, scarfs hats mittens, COATSS! hot chocolate, soup in a flask @ school, school in winter omgzzzzz - hilarious! and the sky, bike riding, church is magical - christmas, christmas mass. the real coal fire in my lounge, marriannes untill 8 o clock, getting home when its dark and lazying infront of the tv, sunday lunches with my nannaaa, longg cold walks, red lips, massive jumpers and cardis, stew and dumplings

summer simply cannot compete.

in october i'm going down to london with my darling mummy to see the auguste renior exhibition. one of my favourite portrait artisits <33333 the hotel does the best breakfasts ever! and there is a pattesierie around the corner from it with the best pastrys and coffee (L)
i cant wait untill christmas either, shopping for and wrapping up the presents for all the beautiful people in my life.

bye bye summer 0999999 XXXXXXXXX

pee. ess is it me or is the youth of today (some of the youth of today haha) getting thicker and thicker. naiver and naiver, just hearing what you want to hear isn't going to help you at all monkey socks

armed with a book. a paper - never know when he'll be caught out
a single chair, a wait between courses
always a main, never a starter
and a coffee

his daughters left their home
uni and teaching
they're grown
its a world away from what it was the photographs make his heart ache

and they are beautiful just like their mother used to be
still is. before it all went so wrong

his son moved away
Australia. another place
the oils doing well he said
Dad, its doing well
he'll get married in the fall
he'll be as proud
as the punch he threw in his face when he left his mother

the wedding, he'll go. invited but not included.
he'll stand away and smile with bitter sweet tears

and they are beautiful just like their mother used to be
still is. before it all went so wrong

the deal wasn't ment to do this
the promotion, the car
black, company and suits of silk
hand shakes of promise 'you've worked hard sir. you've worked hard'

they're beautiful just like their mother is
he tried his best but it wasn't enough
he tried his best
he tried his best
but it wasn't enough.

theres afew things atm that are really starting to grate on me teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetz.
and im going to make a list so that they are out of my head.

1. people who actually write 'innit' asif its cool or something. wtf is with that
2. people who use the 'c' word are immediately vile to me.
3. people who call their parents by their first names. WHY! thats absoloutey fuckin pointless. unless you're trying to be 'cool' and 'nothing to do with them' coz they're 'embarrasing n stuff when your mates are over' AWWWWW
5. frickin posed pictures of girls with big eyes and straightend hair wearing the latest topshop florals EURGH EURGH.
6. little boots' song remedy. its on radio 1 ALL THE TIME AND ITS SHITE.
7. cock ends on fb. LADZZ LADZZ ART FO' NIIGHT
8. the frickin weather. its hot its cold its humid its ice cold wind. i didnt buy any summer clothes because theres only like 1 week of summer. summer weather suckzzz. i cant wait for winter.
8. the fact that i havent seen my brother in a week and he's the one i laugh at all this with. daymnn.

im going on holiday in half an hour. gonna be sooooooooooooooooososos good to get out.
have a good week xxxxxxx

itssss quiz time!

Do you drink beer?
no. vodka and blackcurrant and berries and iceeee
Do you like pickles?
ok
When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
they're only @ asda, and i hate asda
Are you flexible?
no babe
What if the last person you kissed was kissing someone else right in front of you?
BLAH
Do you want to know the date of your death?
god no
Name something you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
LIESS
Have you cuddled with someone you weren't dating?
yuhuhhh
Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
ye tar
Is there anyone you wouldn't mind punching?
yesyesyesss
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a, p, o, d, r, t, c, j, m?
r
Do you believe exes can be friends?
mayb in time
Is your hair naturally straight?
nopey
Do you think love is overrated?
nooo sweetheart
Do you eat breakfast daily?
not really.
Would you prefer a baby girl or boy?
both
If you see a girl with big boobs do you automatically think shes a slut?
nope. it depends how shes wearing those big booooobs (;
When you and your friends are out and about do you usually get dirty looks?
people usually just STARE
Last awkward moment?
@ the tills in ikea earlier today. my mum had a go (rightfully) and the cashier hahahahahhaha luvher
The last person you kissed hates you. Why?
he wont ever hate me
Is green your favorite color?
no
Do you think you can know everything about a person?
no. i like that. i'd hate anyone to know everything about me
Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a K?
no
Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?
my mummy, and my darling brother john. coco avant chanel <3333
If you got expelled from school, what school would you go to next?
home school
Do you like the last person you kissed?
yeh ok
Have you hugged anyone in the last 24 hours?
yeeeeeeeeeeeeah
What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11?
not alot
Do you like to cuddle?
sure
Do you like your cell phone?
its ok
Do you prefer to call or text?
calllllll. or a letter. no-one sends letters anymore
Who do you have texts from in your inbox?
john, adele, reeve, mum, aiden,
Who were you last in the car with?
ma
Does someone like you?
i dont know
Do you think someone misses you?
yes
Do you find smoking unattractive?
no. on the right person it is incredibly sexy
Do you want to be single?
yes
Why did you last cry?
i cant really remember. i think i was tired and looking too far into things.
usually the reason for my crying
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
naaaah
What were you doing at 7:00 AM?
deeply into sleep and dreaminggg
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
2
Is love really worth fighting for?
sure
I bet you miss someone right now?
ummm. i miss talking to someone right now.
Is there someone you want to see?
yes
Who's clothes are you wearing?
mine and mums
When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
yesterday evening at around 10 o clock
If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
yes
Who are 4 guys you trust most?
john, ryan ....
Are you happier single or in a relationship?
never been in a relationship. SIN GALLL
Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
yep
Where were you at 2 this morning?
beddiebies
When was the last time you laughed really hard?
last night eating tea with ryan. last night on fb with ryan - always entertaining, last night walking through crofton with ry, erin + lucee. with ry wearing a long long LONG white wig, kinnn hilarious
Within the next 4 months, what are you looking forward to most?
my holiday, leeeedz fest fob kol + placebo LIVEE BABY, winter - getting my gorgeous coat back out out of the wardrobe, being back at school. gig in ireland. and bloc party @ leeds academy. i will be clooooose to kele (L)
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
yes


THIS WASN'T A VERY GOOD QUIZ REALLY

i just want to know his name. that. is. all.
i saw this boy on a train and our eyes met afew times and i just want to know his name...........

WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIGHT? I HOPE HE IS A GENTLEMEN.
MAYBE HE WONT FIND OUT WHAT I KNOW, YOU WERE THE LAST GOOD THING ABOUT THIS PART OF TOWN


f o b forever

sxxxxxxxxxxxxi night

FRANKMUSIKKKK - delicately beautifully romanticly sexy and puuuuuurfect.
hung out with ma boi hogeee this evening. its a beautiful night; warm and the sky is a fabulous navy blue.
took some brilliant shots - looooooooooooookin gooood

tv today continues to surprise me on how low it really can go. big brother, 'my life as an animal', young dumb and living off mum, MY MONKEY BABY.
it tries to hide behind the illusion that it is showing viewers how wrong people on these programs are, 'disgusting people, pfffft' but really its the produces of the shows that need help. it dosn't need to be broadcast all over the television for millions to see, get something entertaining on! its fucking boring babe.

i thought Ruper Everets documentary on the life of Lord Byron would be pretty good edutainment, but really he just spent the whole series carping on about sex and blow jobs and champagne OH HAHAHAHAHAHA! jolly good sailor !

the only good person on tv is charlie brooker - the one person who just spends the time taking the piss out of everything ON tv. well obviously thats all we can do now, its so far down the drain.
i'd rather be sticking breadcrums back on to a fishfinger with pritt stick, to put it bluntly. LOL IM SO WITTY

the best thing about tv is watching sandra hogans face as she copies the reactions of the actors on tha boxxxx - that is comedy!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

as always kele

in your house, your daddies car
you salt the slugs, keep at bay

happy when your eyes are closed
in vogue this year i hate your kind

i just cant stop

saturday night, skins & short shorts

woaaa, watched the last few episodes of skins second series (i luv you 40d, making saturday nights in bareable) and am currently descending into mooooooood of doooooooom. passion pit is on though so now ok.
i've found that occasionally putting some things to the back of ones mind and 'forgetting' about them until they arise again is a good idea. like decisions. decisions, yeah, no-one likes making them. making decisions, big ones i mean, not if you should get out of bed now or wait 20 mins ladidaaaa, BIG DECISIONSSSS like which college to go to and what i want as a job bluerghhh, 'like yeaaah dude, live in the moment, who cares about the future?' well yuh, but you have to have some idea, else, what's the point? dont want a wasted life now do we .....

this seems all vairr intense for a saturday night, and yeah, i'm only 15 but its year 11 now. FRICKING YR 11! thats another thing, where the hell did high school go?!
thats not long, take out all the weeks off for revisions and exceteraa exceteraaa and theres probably only about 5 months at school. its all change from there, allllll change. after college its university, well probably not straight away, i plan on actually seeing some sights and DOING SOMETHING, before its back into mainstream 'do it this way' education.
the thing is, i have a pretty good idea how i DONT want to end up. and i do know, well some areas of it, how i do want to be. but how do you know you'll get what you want? thats the scary side of it all. it aint all plain sailing, it just goes that way. but what you can do, i suppose, is work bloody hard, atleast then you know you've attempted it.

well you'll either want to down a bottle of vodka in an empty field and get absoloutely 'OFF YA FAAACE' or you'll be like 'yeeeeeh, sorted' or whatever

its tha summer holidays babyyyyyyyyyyyy. yemonn, at the beginning i wrote a list of all the things i wanted to achieve. i dont like wasting time you see, time is precious, and thats the truth of it. so goals are good (:
so i've read 'of mice and men' english littttt OH 10 - bringg it pinder
i've not really slept in. apparently we spend 26 years of our lives sleeping. thats more than enough righttt. and mornings are wonderful, everythings fresh and new. the air is FRESHHH. this morning my brother was catching the train down to dorset so i got up at 7.30 to say goodbye. and the air was fresh. like in winter, i cant wait for winter. just for the frosty mornings filling the lungs with newness. not that much beats it.
this summer i have sat back and realised. other people can do what they want. i cant control it. its up to them, its their life. im in it or im not. but what i can control, is what i do, because i am in my life! revelations.... hahahahaaha.
its scary really to think how much we get caught up in others peoples lives, sometimes, it seems as if everything becomes about them. thats why i'm not interested in attraction. i dislike who i become when i get caught up in that. when it becomes complicated, EVERYTHING and ev urr eee thingggg, becomes about them.
'what did they think about that?' 'will they be annoyed if i say that to them?' 'what did they do today?' 'what is he saying to her?' 'what does he really think about that? ME even?'
i mean, for fucks sake, its boring.

i'd rather fill my head with interesting things about me. hahahahahahahahahaahahhaahahha.
the skyyy the skyyy the skyyyyy.
i bloody love the sky. i want a polaroid camera so i can take a picture of the sky everyday and save it. because its ever changing. i'd date every photo, and write what i was doing the precise moment i took it, who i was with, where i was, what time it was, what day, how i felt. because i hate how we cant remember exactly what we were doing two hours and 45 seconds ago. its history, poooooof, gone. and you cant remember.
i mean, its amazing how we can remember other key moments, snatches of conversations, actions, lights, scents.
everytime i smell my mums barbour leather coat i just feel like a 5 year old again, and shes hugging me in the garden.
i love how listening to a particular part of a song can bring back a feeling inside, its almost like you've been taken back in a machine to that split second.
in year 8 all i did was listen to fall out boy, and i can play a track, and depending on if i am really listening, im just back. there. on the maths corridoor and my stomach is knotted up with that excited feeling of his eyes.
so yeah, thats fabulous.
but i'd like to keep a log. so that when im much, much older, i can just look through scrap book after scrap book, shoe box after shoe box and remember it all. i'd hate to think that i'd forget peoples names, and faces and moments in time.

so that would be lovely.
bliiiiiimey i've rattled on. its never just flowed out of me like this before.
night sweetheart
xxxxxxxxxx

HEAVEN KNOWS, ITS GOT TO BE THIS TIME







this picture dosn't have a whole lot of relevance but i took it and i liiiiiiike it
btw, steam comes out of those gigantic tunnels, not smoke

cos we're 20, 20, 22, bleeding stars, stars, and happy thoughts
cos we're 20 20 22, and we're waiting for the rain to stop.

cos im a boy and you're a girl, and what else is there in this world?
i can make you smile, i can make you laugh. what else is there in this world?

so take my hand and marry me, i'll make your branches a brighter green
i can make you smile, i can make you laugh

what else is there in this world?

take the day off work. our time is now.

HES SO BEAUTIFULLLLLLL
aloveyaaa hoge(;

Does anyone else want it to be winter yet?
godddd i am craving my big coat and tights and dr martens and cold cold coldnessss.
this humidity is ridiculous. aspecially when it comes hand in hand with double science.
school should be shut as soon as the first hint of sun comes about. yehyehyehhhh

a state of flux is definitely what i'm in at the moment. i have plans, but they all begin after september, and in the mean time everything feels 'meh'.
BUT, wishing time away is not a good idea. 3 days of year 10 left, my godddd, and then thats over. wow

WOW. its been a good year. a very good yearrr. year 10 has been the best so far, and the quickest.
Its just beginning to hit me that being thrown out of school, come year 11, is a vairrrvairrr scary prospect. especially as i have no idea which college i want to go to. honestly really dont like having a clue where im gonna be in a years time.
monnnnnnnnnn

also, apart from the sexiness of karen o, why does everyone luuuuuuurve yeah yeah yeahs?
hmmm puzzling.
i dont think i've actually said anything that interesting in this post.

so ciaoooooooooooooo

(going to sweat sweat sweat in this swealtering heat.damn english summer)

shades, friendly fires, convertable and company would be beautiful
+ a pug mmmmm, puuuurfect
<<3333333














considering tidying my room.... grim prospect.
i havent been able to see the floor all week. cant be bothered any more.
cant be botherd to eat, watch anything, do anything....
blah blah blah

listening to iris by goo goo dolls is probably not helping this mood
best friend who lives 5 miniuet walk from house in birmingham for weekend = b o r i n g
come home reeeeevey

where is everyone?


paralyse me with your kiss;;;;;;;;

tgi fridayyy

N.E.R.D and pink lippyyy. good way to start a weekend.

Not sure how this will turn out, but I love to write, so a blog seemed like a vairr nice idea. Whether anything i write will be interesting or not is yet to be seen.

its been a long week, and a short week. everyday seems to get shorter and shorter. where is all the time going?

the view across wakefield is peaceful tonight. the sky has so many blues in it, i bet you couldnt even paint it.
The light at this time is so strange, its almost night, but not quite. wish i was out.

is this aload of crap? HAHAHAHHA yes. but im new to this, so i can get away with it. X